Sanity, and Other Things We Left on the Bus

You know how it is: You have all this stuff to do and you push yourself too hard, don’t allow yourself any down time. I thought I’d learned my lesson, but I am so eager to get on with my new life that I have neglected my mental health. When I was out on the road, just experiencing life without a schedule and slowing down, I could look at our fast paced world from the outside. Out on the road, in a desolate wood or desert, my mind was free to wander and I came to understand things I hadn’t before. Now I have a full time job with loads of responsibility; I love this campground and enjoy my co-workers and don’t want to let anyone down. The truth is, interacting with people on a regular basis drains me. There are times I simply can’t talk to strangers, it’s unbearable, but that is part of my job so I have no choice. The end result, though, is things breaking down, me breaking down. As much as I want to move forward with getting a digital nomad situation going and eventually leave the United States, I need to care for my mental health.

I’ve never been tested for Aspergers or any other form of autism but I’m pretty sure I’m on some variety of a spectrum. Often, my social awkwardness is off the charts. This is one reason why I avoid cities like the plague. Five years ago my ex wife and I went to New York City and it was an amazing experience but after three days I needed to be in the middle of nowhere with no one around. I tell that story in my book The American Outback: Disappearing is a Young Man’s Game. That need for solitude played a role in end of my second marriage. Possibly, it played a role in the end of both of my marriages. Why am I telling you all this? Because it’s part of the story, which is a fascinating story. Also, maybe you experience life the same way, perhaps you have some form of autism or just feel socially awkward and often uncomfortable around people. This leads to a problem I have with the United States: Weakness is something to repress, something that draws scorn. The truth is that even the strongest among us have times of weakness, of confusion, of desperation, of lonliness. But we feel this need to achieve, to succeed, and we don’t look after ourselves. I’ve been doing that lately, maybe you’ve done it to yourself. We all need to look after our mental health better.

The afternoon is falling away bringing me to my favorite time of my days off. I sit on the picnic table listening to music, drinking whiskey, and watching the birds. They’re singing, flying about, taking care of all their bird shit before nightfall when predators rule the shadows. Once the light has vanished, I watch the second season of Yellowjackets on my laptop. If I feel up to it tomorrow I will work on my goal to move to either Mexico or Portugal—but only if I feel up to it. Memorial Day is coming up and the campground is fully booked so I need to make sure I am fully decompressed before facing that. One way I decompress is landscaping the yard with rocks, the photo attached to this blog is of the walkway I built (and my van, Pandette, that I have traveled in and lived out of).

Thank you for being here, any shares of this blog are always appreciated. If you care to check out the books I am selling on Amazon, I will provide the link below. If you want to check out the music I do, I’ve put up lyric videos on my Instagram page.

Izaak

https://www.amazon.com/stores/Izaak-Diggs/author/B00EG7OKUY?ref=ap_rdr&store_ref=ap_rdr&isDramIntegrated=true&shoppingPortalEnabled=true